Pornography and How it Effects Relationships
by Vito Di Camillo
When I think about pornography, and the effects thereof on relationships, it really makes me wonder why anyone would want to even bother with that sort of thing! The reason is because pornography never did anyone any good whatsoever at any time. It also does not accomplish anything worthwhile when someone searches for a meaningful relationship, and opts for that instead. This absolutely eliminates any chance of being able to function normally in a relationship setting, because there is just no “satisfying factor” in pornography.
Pornography relies totally on a desire that can never really be fulfilled in that manner; only in someone’s very vivid imagination can there be a remote chance for even a little fulfillment of that type of desire. Also if you look a little deeper at the participants, you will notice that nearly everyone involved with it has had a very bad personal experience with past relationships, including marriage. They compensate for that bad experience by seeking false, non-committal fulfillment through purely sexual expression and gratification.
Any such satisfaction from this can eventually fade away over time, and can age the body a whole lot sooner as well. Sadly it also makes the person or persons involved feel even more inadequate than they did before. You see professional people stealing time from their work day to engage in an attempted fulfillment of desire with no strings attached. They will spend a considerable amount of time and energy to do it. Since this is simply a meaningless act of carnality with absolutely nothing to show for it, it basically makes the actions involved worthless.
Additionally, engaging in this type of behavior causes both parties to feel worthless inside, and degrades the character of those involved. The parties will feel shame, guilt, loss of self-worth, and self-esteem, among other things. Pornography has little to offer, except for temporary fulfillment of a fantasy perception of what a person is thought to be. This is as opposed to what makes that person who they are inside and out as a real, genuine human being, and not just a sex object. Pornography makes a real situation with real people seem totally unrealistic and also can make the act of sex look totally sickening as well. Pornography’s suggestion of how to “make sex enjoyable”, really doesn’t if you rely on it for your satisfaction, in lieu of really getting to know a person and what they are all about. Consider making a real commitment to that person, preferably a marital commitment; which should make it more meaningful anyway. Then you can feel better knowing that you don’t ever have to look elsewhere for that type of fulfillment again, because you actually have a meaningful relationship. No one that I have ever known who really wanted a relationship that meant something to both parties has ever felt the desire to turn to something as perverse and unreal as pornography.
When you understand how invaluable a real relationship can be, and you decide that that’s what you really want, you will no longer seek any substitutes for it. That is because you will see how very REAL love can be, and how very FAKE pornography is. Real love is a character build-up, a self-esteem powerhouse, and it’s truly love from the inside out, as opposed to pornography, which is from the outside in!! True love goes way beyond sexual desire alone; it reaches deep into a person’s very inner being, and makes the sexual aspect of the relationship much more meaningful. It causes the two people to feel closer to each other; sex becomes an additional way to make intimacy much more real and valuable than pornography ever could.
When you meet someone, and you find that you really want to get to know that person better, you make every effort to spend time with that person, and get to know them better. In the process, you will discover what attracted you to that person in the first place. Genuine love goes way beyond sexual attraction alone, and you will find that out as you get closer to that person. Making a lifelong commitment to someone should, hopefully, eradicate the need for pornography of any kind, because you desire that person enough in the first place to want that permanent commitment.
If you still desire to fall back into something as meaningless as pornography, you either need to try to establish much better communication with your mate, and/or seek counseling to find out what could be wrong. If you do not, it could either kill the relationship quickly, or make it die a slow death if you don’t seek help as soon as possible. Pornography never has been, nor will it ever be, a justifiable solution to problems in an otherwise solid and meaningful relationship. Rather, pornography will kill anything that made that liaison worth having because it will turn what was a very valuable and meaningful association into something absolutely insincere. It will absolutely destroy that which made the union mean anything, and turn it into nothing!
You want to do everything you possibly can to stay away from pornography of any kind. If you do not, you will find out just how worthless it is if you choose to bother with it and experiment with it in any way, shape or form. It is truly a relationship KILLER in every way imaginable, and definitely not worth the effort to try. Hopefully, you won’t ever have to find out the hard way about this, ever!